Cultural Change Can Happen … and DOES
Even in a culture in which the husband is permitted, even expected, to abuse the kindness of his wife, things can change for the better.
James and Catherine have been married for 34 years and have eight children. James says that, traditionally, the wife is expected to treat her husband as though he were her master, and he never questioned it. Thus, he used to give Catherine no say in how household resources were used. ‘‘Even though she worked as hard as I did on the farm, plus took on all the childcare and household work, I would get all the money from the sale of farm produce, and decide how to use it all by myself.’’ He added that he would not involve his wife in planning or projects that had the potential of bringing more money into the household.
Catherine says, ‘‘Even when I was ill, if he demanded I prepare hot water for his bath or cook for him, I used to die in silence but do it anyway, since tradition demanded I serve him.”
When they signed up for the Gender Justice training offered by local partner Central Church of Africa Presbyterian, Zambia, James suddenly realized he was being abusive. He had a change of heart. He has since changed his behavior and become supportive of Catherine. They now plan and budget together and he helps with chores. When she’s at a community meeting, he cooks meals for their children and saves some for her. When she is sick, he’s even more supportive. He’s even been known to heat water for her bath.
Catherine testified that, once they started receiving these life-impact lessons, her husband respects her much more, and they both feel that their early love has been rekindled. She does say that men used to be ridiculed for supporting and helping their wives, but now that so many community members have been sensitized to respect women and girls, it’s becoming more commonplace. And it doesn’t hurt that James is the village headman who can use his influence as a traditional leader to champion gender justice among the other men.
James is committed to teaching his children gender justice by modeling it for them when they are young. And Catherine adds that “The secret to staying in a long-term marriage is to make sincere efforts to understand and love each other. The husband must not only love his wife, but act like it.”
Zambia Lundazi Program
Led by World Renew and Local Partner Central Church of Africa Presbyterian, Zambia (CCAP)